And she was

Actions - words - words - actions the other night stand to get me in a lot lot of trouble. Part of the trouble is I don't know if I dreamed certain parts or if I really acted them out. I'm soooo not happy not only with my 'performance' the other night but also with the ongoing lack of introspection and change-making I know I need to embark on. Not caring for my spirit has gotten me to the point where I humiliated myself in front of one of my nearest and dearest - and possibly included one of my sisterlike friends. I simply don't know because I was simply drunk and was not in cognitive control of my behavior. I say that without trying to put responsibility elsewhere - it was my choice to go, my choice to drink, my choice to drink too much, and my choice to hurt and possibly alienate some of my best friends.

This sucks.

click click, see you later

Edit: It turns out to all have been a dream. I did nothing, said nothing, got in no trouble. I did have a couple too many beers, but I was a happy go lucky buzzhead. Still: gah.