How much more?

From "Prayers by the Lake", by Bishop Nikolai Velimirovich

Stories are long, too long; the moral is short--one word. You are that word, O Word of God. You are the moral of all stories.
What the stars write across the heaven, the grass whispers on earth. What the water gurgles in the sea, fire rumbles beneath the sea.
What an angel says with his eyes, the imam shouts from his minaret. What the past has said and fled, the present is saying and fleeing.
There is one essence for all things; there is one moral for all stories. Things are tales of heaven. You are the meaning of all tales. Stories are your length and breadth. You are the brevity of all stories. You are a nugget of gold in a knoll of stone.
When I say your name, I have said everything and more than everything;
Oh my love, have mercy on me! Oh my Might and Truth, have mercy on me!

What else is there? Oh God of comfort, of grace and compassion, have mercy on me a sinner.

So close, yet so far

Intimacy freaks me out. Plain and simple. I don't want to be known. I don't want to be seen. I want to be hidden and forgotten so that I may forget.

Alas, He bides me to come and receive rest and life. He bids me to a life of repentance and communion with Him and His people.

I've seen it through the windows, I've seen it through the veil I keep over the reality of who I am.

I want it, I want to know and love Him and to rest in His peace.

Yet I cannot get past the fear of being known. The irony is that He knows all and I keep pretending otherwise.

there's a restless feeling knocking at my door today